Yesterday I said in my post that I'd gone back to bed with Zoe. I'd have said that was a Freudian slip except that I don't know any Zoe I'd be likely to go to bed with anyway. It did make me think about my long-standing problem with names though. I should, of course, have said Eve, my soon to be renamed Apple MacBook.
Many years ago when I was a very young man I used to do a lot of protocol work. This involved knowing the names of the 120 councillors and 40 aldermen of Liverpool City Council and always being on hand at functions to introduce them to visiting dignitaries etc. Alderman were appointed for 6 years so rarely changed but elections for 40 councillors were held every year. One of the things I learned early on was that if you introduced a diplomat by the wrong name of country then on the whole they smiled and when you were out of earshot remedied the error. Presumably that's what made them diplomats!
One day, however, I got the name of a newly elected councillor wrong. To say that he made a fuss would be putting it mildly. Since that incident in 1965 I have had a severe difficulty with names. My mind goes blank and that incident flashes into my head. The problem is so bad that I once was introducing my wife at a function and I just couldn't remember her name. I forget names of people I know and have known for decades. I forget names of people I've been in the same room with and used their names minutes previously.
I read Dale Carnegie's (why can I remember his name?) How to Win Friends and Influence People many years ago when I was a teenager. He made the point that a person's name is one of his or her most treasured possessions.
If I had realised what a burden this affliction was going to be during my life I'd have seen a psychiatrist but, of course, such things were not thought of in the '60s and I suppose for a long time I thought that my previous ability with names (which was one reason I used to do the protocol work of course) would return. After all the irony is that the fear of forgetting a name is probably the cause of the act of forgetting.
I was wondering if I could turn this into my Thankful Thursday post and I couldn't see a way until I suddenly realised that if that was one of the worst things in my life then I had precious little about which to complain. So I am playing the Glad Game and am thankful for the fact that I could have had much worse problems to contend with.
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I did wonder who Zoe was but I was too polite to ask!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'd have found a way. But then you know I'm unlikely to be in bed with a Zoe (and make it public!).
DeleteA nice read...
ReplyDeleteThanks
DeleteI can assure you there is a worse thing than forgetting your wife's name. Introducing her by your ex-wife's name. You can lose a lot of Brownie points that way!
ReplyDeleteA lot more than Brownie points I would have thought. You didn't ever.....did you?
Delete...and you probably had (much worse problems to contend with in your life, I mean).
ReplyDeleteMy name is mis-spelled so often; in emails from customers, on name tags I get handed when I work for someone else's company at a fair, and so on. If you leave the middle "e" out, it turns into Mike, making me a man instead of a woman. I always, always correct people who do that, and I always strive to get other people's names right in both spelling and pronouncing them. When I do not remember someone's name (again, thinking of working at a trade fair), I don't mind asking them, of course linking my question with an apology (it happens rarely anyway).
And I think I will use your post as an inspiration for one of mine :-)
Yes, Meike, I've had worse problems but none have been with me for such a long period of my life and been a constant source of anxiety because I understand how important names are and always feel devastated when I can't remember. So far as I can recall it's the only thing in my life that has caused me that sort of anxiety.
DeleteI think I know you well enough by now too, not to find it very likely that you were suddenly introducing a girlfriend like that on your blog. But I did wonder if you had perhaps got another computer on the side ;)
ReplyDeleteI was reminded when I had just recently started following you - on your other blog. You had me mystified for a while about the identity of a certain Samantha. I'm not sure if I ever mistook her for a person, but I think at first I got the impression she was either cat or a bird! (For your more recent followers: Samantha was a computer, too.)
Thanks for the 'girlfriend' term, Monica. You are correct, of course. Samantha is still alive and well and sitting on the desk feeling neglected. She still gets attention occasionally though.
DeleteEnjoyed your memory story, Gordon ... er .... Brian ... er ...BG
ReplyDeleteThanks Sandie! It's your sense of humour wot endears me to you so!
DeleteA great post. Which reminded me of an old joke my mother used to tell about the lady who had trouble remembering names and was told to create a mental image to help her remember. She was introduced to a man named Wilbur, and thought to herself, "Easy. The Wright Brothers." The evening passed without incident until she was leaving when she turned to the man and said, "So nice to meet you, Orville."
ReplyDeleteAh well, can't win 'em all! Hugs.
Thanks for that. I can't tell jokes. But I might see if I can memorise this one. I like it!
DeleteRight on, brother. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa.
DeleteClients that visit my office are usually amazed that after I meet them two or three times, I routinely call them by name...I have a secret trick - when they check in to see someone in our workplace, it's part of my job to write their names on a list - a waiting list for the next available counselor. As I write the name, I look up at the face attached to it, then I immediately say the name out loud. The act of writing the name, looking at the person and then saying the name cements it in my mind and a few days or a week later when I see the face again, the name comes to my lips with little effort of thought. Maybe you could write down names when you learn them and see if that helps?
ReplyDeleteI am not a generally envious person but I'm afraid I did rather indulge in that fourth deadly sin when I read that you can do that. When I meet someone I always use their name immediately I'm introduced. I have lists of names I keep with me most of the time. The problem is that if one can forget one's wife's name then one has problems!
DeleteThink I will try taking deedee's advice in repeating the name - or possibly getting more memory RAM is the answer ( bet you didn't know I am really a computer, did you, Graham?)
ReplyDeleteSome computer Jenny!! I'm afraid I don't think it's my RAM that is the problem I think it's the CPU.
DeleteHello Graham:
ReplyDeleteWe have discovered you via the delightful Meike and we have much enjoyed this post.
It is definitely a social skill to be able to remember names and faces and then use them with confidence. Whilst we certainly struggle, it always seems to us that Americans are particularly adept at it. Why this should be we are unsure, but what we have noticed is that as soon as one is introduced to an American, they use one's name repeatedly from that point on. Could it be that practice makes perfect?
We have signed ourselves as Followers.
Thanks Jane and Lance. I have read your blog on and off for quite a while and been fascinated by some of the things I've seen - including the works on your Budapest pad and, if I recall it correctly and heaven knows why they stand out in my mind, a pair of red chairs (I do hope I've remembered that one correctly).
DeleteGreat post GB. That councilor was a mad guy - so what if you can't remember his name?
ReplyDeleteI can never remember names and faces of people at the beginning of an acquaintance. I hardly ever remember the face of a person until Ive ever seen them several times.