The Top of the Morning Book of Epitaphs

Between 1994 and 1999 Brian Edwards hosted a programme on New Zealand's National Radio called Top of the Morning. During that time he had four competitions in which listeners submitted, respectively, Limericks, Excuses, Short, Short Stories and Epitaphs. Each topic formed the content of a separate book with the royalties from each book going to a charity. In the case of the Book of Epitaphs the royalties went to the Starship Children's Hospital in Auckland.

Here are a few of my favourite epitaphs which were not specific to New Zealand - for many of the epitaphs referred to living people. The main target was, of course, politicians.

Adam Gittins, healthy man.
Ate no fat and loved his bran
Lived on wheatgerm, honey and grain
Went out one day and got hit by a train.

Here lies bungy jumper Clarance Cleg
They tied the rope to his wooden leg.

Here lie the bodies of Vladimir and Estragon
Who died of pneumonia after a long period of
Inactivity and exposure to the elements.
Still Waiting for Godot.

Here lies Beethoven
Decomposing

Here lies Pavarotti,
Nestled, Dormant.

Steptoe & Son
Scrap Iron Dealers
Rust in peace

Here lies
The Invisible Man -
We think

Bill Gates
Unrecoverable Error

Tiddles
Requiescat