Frances Garrood is a novelist who blogs under the unnervingly original title of Frances Garrood.
Her posts can be irritatingly controversial. I say irritatingly
because often I want to disagree with them but there may be a theme within
them with which I agree. Frances wrote a post last December
(which many of my readers may have read): "Gifts". A brief guide.
I quote: "'Gifts' are things
that are bought by the desperate for the ungrateful. They are things
that you don't need. If you needed them, you would (probably) already
have them."
Now the problem is that I fundamentally disagree with the statement whilst, unfortunately, also agreeing that there is an element of truth in it.
I love it
that someone has spent the time and effort to give me a present but if they don't then it doesn't put me up nor down. Mind
you I seem to be fortunate in that music and books make up many of my
gifts and I love those. Some of my friends also have a wonderful knack of
giving me things which will mean something intrinsically for as long as
I live.
I love giving presents too. On the other hand I loathe having to give presents to
order ie for Christmas and birthdays. I love spontaneity. I love
seeing something and thinking that would be wonderful for X or knowing
someone needs something but perhaps can't justify (or afford) it at that
moment when I can. It might be for a birthday. It might not. I would love the freedom to give as and when I felt like it without the need for a specific reason or event requiring me to do so and without feeling guilty that I'd failed to mark a special event with a present (although I always try and remember to send birthday cards) or being looked at oddly when I do buy spontaneously and asked "What is that for?"
On a matter of detail one of the things Frances singled out as a no-no for men was handkerchiefs 'because most men use tissues'. Well I, for one, can't abide tissues unless I have a
streaming cold. I use at least
two handkerchiefs a day - usually for wiping my eyes which stream a lot
if there is any cold air or wind around (and I live in New Zealand and
the Hebrides!). The other I keep for emergencies and cleaning my
specs. Have you tried to buy 'proper' men's handkerchiefs? It
is almost impossible. The things masquerading as handkerchiefs
even in M&S are little better than tissues. If anyone bought me
proper ones (I can't repeat handkerchiefs again) for any occasion I
would be happier than a - very happy person. Try finding them though!
I would also love to know how is it that very polite children brought up to do all the correct things seem to have lost the ability even to say thank you
for a present never mind write a letter or send an email or a text
or a Facebook message or any one of the other means at their disposal?
I stopped sending some children presents because I never even knew if
they received them.
Posts
With an appeal like that, I would not be surprised if you soon found yourself in possession of an international handkercheif collection... Well. At least the start of one.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought of that Monica. You have reminded me, though, that there used to be a company we met when we were at trade fairs called Magnificient Mouchoires. I must see if it's still in existence.
DeleteWow, I'm good. Reminding you of something I never heard of myself...!
DeleteWhat makes a good handkerchief? Is it the weight of the fabric? Softness?
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your gifts opinion. There should be no guilt involved in that. Spontineity makes it so much more fun!
For me, Lisa, the irritating thing about most modern handkerchiefs is that they have no proper edging so that the apology of an edge (can't think what it's proper name is) often comes undone very quickly or curls up and refuses to be ironed properly. I do like a reasonably good sized one with a bit of ooomph in the fabric too.
DeleteI felt bad because I didn't get ( or still haven't found) my father a present for his birthday yesterday... but he has everything. SO I gave him time and dinner and hope to "do" something soon. At 87 this might be exactly what he really wants - it was a lovely evening too.
ReplyDeleteI expect to find good men's hankies you almost need a vintage shop!
Fiona a lot of my friends of a like age now tell their friends and family not to buy 'things' because most have the things they need and are trying to de-clutter their houses. Being treated to a meal and to 'do' something is a great favourite with many of my friends so I suspect that you got it exactly right.
DeleteI have not seen "proper" mens' hankies for umpteen years. I somehow would have thought that upscale UK shops would still have them for sale. Our postman was so grateful for a set of hankies we gave him one year, he said they were just what he needed, since he used them daily to wipe his face as he went on his route. I wish you the best of luck in your quest.
ReplyDeleteOn the other matter of kids not showing appreciation by their acknowlegment of a gift, I too have stopped the gift giving in that area.
When I visited the US last year, I took a gift for my girlfriend's daughter. I was pleasantly surprised when she handed me a lovely hand written "thank you" card....and this from a nine year old. Parenting at its best. My girlfriend is always teasing me and saying "You're so British!", so maybe she was living up to my standards....smile.
Virginia I think that many children in developed countries have so much these days they just take gifts as a right and not a privilege.
DeleteWhy save your opprobrium for impolite children? If you have to ask 'Did you get the handkerchiefs I sent', the recipient should get no more presents.
ReplyDeleteWhy isn't it handkerchieves - thief/thieves, brief/briefs, chief/chiefs. No wonder people think English is a difficult language. Is there a rule, of which I'm ignorant? Like i before e, except after c, except that I understand from QI, where else, that there are more exceptions to that 'rule', so it is no longer a rule.
PS. If you are waiting for a thank you from me for either my Christmas present or my birthday present, you're not getting one, because your presents obviously got lost in the post. I hope you got the ones from me.
Marcel I couldn't agree more over gifts and thank yous regardless of age.
DeleteThe English language is a whole new topic on which I already have eleven draft blog ideas (just kidding - there's just two and I know you've told me a million times not to exaggerate).
Oh! Yours got lost in the post too did they?
I too have stopped giving to those young ones who don't acknowledge. I know giving is supposed to not look for anything in return, but I don't want to encourage them in their bad behaviour.
ReplyDeleteI don't count a thank you as 'something in return' Katherine. I regard it as a very simple acknowledgement and courtesy.
DeleteThere are gifts and gifts. I love receiving gifts, because to me - maybe I am naive there - it means someone thought enough of me to spend some time and money on something FOR ME. If it is something I don't like, it is not necessarily the giver's fault; some people either lack imagination (which is not their fault) or they like giving presents they themselves would like to receive. Whenever there are too many THINGS in my flat for my liking, I throw some out or give them away; I have no qualms about that, and those who know me well and care about me already know that I don't want THINGS. I love presents that can be used up (such as scented body lotion) or eaten (such as chocolate), and I love new clothes and undies and shoes, and getting vouchers for a massage or a nice dinner and so on. Unexpected gifts are great - but I also love waking up on my birthday and looking forward to the surprises my friends and family may bring.
ReplyDeleteI admire your approach Meike. Yes, I too like receiving presents but oddly enough Christmas and my birthday mean little to me although it is lovely to receive birthday cards as a reminder that people are thinking of me. In short for me the day is irrelevant. The thought is important. I love getting an unexpected text or email out of the blue even if it is just three important words.
Delete