Thursday, 10 March 2011

You Know You Are From Christchurch When....

As usual the source of much of my Christchurch information is Fiona from Four Paws and Whiskers.  I have just spent a while reading the following from DUTCHCORNER

You know you are from Christchurch when …
... you can see irony in claims about houses made of “permanent materials”
... your 4 year old says "that was another cornflake"
... you know you haven’t taken any drugs - but life is sooooo distorted you might as well have!!!
... you can pick Richter scale numbers more easily than Lotto numbers.
... you have written a list of at least 40 songs that should never be played on radio during earthquakes. Such as "We built this city on rock and roll". "I feel the earth move under my feet..."
... when spring cleaning actually means cleaning the spring that has appeared in your yard!!
… you call her your "Mother Nature Inlaw" coz she causes you stress and shakes things up
… Geonet is your homepage
… looking over the fence, you discover that the grass isn't always greener on the other side
… you work at a bottle store and have a new shelf system; the most expensive bottles are now on the bottom shelf rather than the top
… you have no idea what the value of your house is!
… when Civil Defence is text spamming you
… your filing system reverts to the 'volcano principle' - a huge pile over the floor, with the most important papers rising to the top
… a doctor recommends having a few stiff drinks before bed to help you sleep
… they close all the welfare centres except the one closest to the epicentre of the after shocks
… when you fly out of Christchurch you see a psychologist, when you fly in you see a psychiatrist
… "Rainy" is the best weather for cycling you've had all week!
… you can spot the recent arrivals by seeing who stops what they're doing during aftershocks
… rather than use the word “God” you replace it with “Bob”. In Bob we trust.
... your partner squeals and squirms in ecstasy again, even more energetically than yesterday. Then you realise its only because the hot water cylinder in now full and hot for the first time in 12 days.
… when fast food is anything that takes less than 2 days to purchase prepare and gather at the table long enough to eat it
… when a Portaloo in the street as your main loo is aspirational
… when you are happy two policemen came for a visit
… it has become the home school capital of the world
… the answer to where anything is ... it’s on the floor
… our 3 year old can say "liquefaction" clear as a bell but couldn't tell you their own address!!!
… when you currently live in London (hence “munted” doesn't enter conversation much) and both your parents have said it at least once to you on the phone (having never heard them use the term before EVER)
… your friends and family want you to move back to Invercargill....and it sounds like a good idea!!!
… you've only shovelled silt for an hour or two but you fully expect to end up with Michelle Obama arms.
… half the population of children in your city come from 'broken homes'
… the roads home are bumpier than a 13 year olds face
… instead of rushing to the clothes line to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope that it will rain enough to clean them
… you build your wooden balancing elephants into a DIY seismometer and cheer when it comes down
… Metservice includes a graph for dust
… a group of students turn up at your place and leave it in a better condition than when they arrived
… you look up and see your neighbour and realise that he's taking a leak on the same section of fence that you are
… “nothing major” is how you describe losing your chimneys, half your foundation cracking, your tv smashing, most of the contents of you cupboard ending in small pieces on your floor, your white ware relocating itself and making odd noises they never used to and no longer being able to open or shut any door in your house, in fact not even being sure if your house is still liveable … you know, “we got off lightly, nothing major”!
… thoughtful dinner guests bring a bottle of water instead of a bottle of wine
… you find you start 'talking back' to the earthquakes (in a rather impolite manner)
… you've mastered the wide legged brace and surf position with out ever having had surfing lessons
… a bucket with a lid is a new 'must have' item
… the aftershocks have aftershocks
… you have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed and its not to keep kids out
… you feel guilty because you have power and water
… you're so happy to get mail, it doesn't matter it's all bills!
… "Christchurch rocks" is a pun
… you go shopping and your trolley fills itself
… you realise this is the first time you've seen inside that church and you're actually driving past it at the time
… you think "It's the weekend, I must get my water boiled for the week"
… when a digger arrives you hear cheers of madness like the Crusaders are scoring a try
… you visit places like Tripoli and admire what they have done to the place!
… you tell the kids off for flushing the toilet
… Hubby can finally say to all and sundry "see told you it would come in handy one day!"
… you don't get out of bed for anything less than a 5
… when Mellow Yellow doesn't make you think of an old Donavon song
… please don’t remain seated – your instructions are under your table mat and helmet under your seat ( new restaurant regulations)
… you're actually JEALOUS when your friends go to work
… discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm
… the census forms arrive but you have no address to put on it
… rather than moving house, the house moves you
… your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents
… when going for a chocolate mission actually is a mission
… the top party game is guess the magnitude of the last aftershock
… you're in the pub for a 4.8 and everyone's main concern in holding on to their drinks!
… you take a plastic bag with you when you go for a walk, even though you don't have a dog
… you know that wheelbarrows come in two basic designs - metal ones which are heavy to lift when filled with silt, and plastic ones which break under the weight of silt
… the new fashion accessory is a spade
… you don't think twice when friends come round and ask “Is it ok to go toilet anywhere or do you have special place to do it?”
… you know how to spell "liquefaction" and "seismic"
… the little pre school boys don't get excited when they see (another) digger or a dozer
… you can’t decide whether to finish doing number twos or just get off the loo and run!!!!!!
… you find the price of wine has gone down but the price of wine glasses has gone up!
… you have a full length mirror in the garage so you can see if your gumboots match your outfit
… you’re about to have the best lemon harvest ever
… using a Portaloo is one of life’s luxuries!
… you never fill your hot drinks more than three-quarters full
… you think electronics that have "shock proof" should say to which earthquake magnitude
… you start considering aftershocks as exercise - anything that raises your heart rate that much must be good for you right?
… you suddenly realise what would be the perfect modern "urban camouflage" look for Doctor Who's Tardis: a blue Portaloo
… you've learned the difference between at least six incompatible types of propane/butane cylinder and where you can't use each one - and it's only 11am
… you would prefer to sit under the table instead of at it
… you think the earthquake house in Te Papa sucks
… “munted” and “buggered” are official technical terms
… your 3 year old's latest new words are liquefaction and miracle
... you recognise food immediately because it's all on toast
... the news has become your favourite tv viewing
... you sleep in one suburb, shower in another, collect water from another, go to the toilet where you can, and still smile and greet people like you are one big family
... you know what that extra gear leave in your 4 x 4 is for
... you don’t blame your local council for bad roads, paths or drainage
... liquefaction has become a saying or slang. “That guy is full of liquefaction.” “ I had some takeaway last night which gave me a bad dose of liquefaction.”
... you know and actually understand the terms and conditions of your House and Contents insurance policy
... having a third person under a door frame is no longer an invasion of personal space
... you invite the crew from Mythbusters to challenge the theory of “wet sand or dry sand?” and which is easier to move
... you carry toilet paper and handwash in your car, your handbag, your backpack, or anywhere else you can, and you don’t care who sees it
... you’d rather live in a house made of straw than a house made of bricks
... you stopped joking about turning your undies and socks inside out to get another days wear
... you now understand the hippy lifestyle and all its quirks
... cross dressing is now accepted city wide
... you stop using the term “built like a brick sh*t house”
... its normal to greet people with “do you need a shower?”
... everybody starts to look like that dirty dodgy person that wanders around your neighbourhood
... your en suite has a vege garden, dog kennel and grass
... a self cleaning toilet is a bucket upside down on your garden sprinkler
... choosing your next stable career option, you consider Portaloo technician
... you DON’T call the police when there is a massive group of students in the middle of your street
Thanks Marja
Too good not to share!


  1. That's a loooong list...
    I'm still in a sort of shocked confusion over the fact that I've hardly heard Christchurch mentioned on our news here since the initial two days or so after the big quake.

  2. Got a great chuckle out of this (and so did mum)Thanks for the laughs!

  3. Excellent. And I Know. Thanks for the link Geeb!

  4. Official Facebook page

    Come join us for a giggle.

    It is also being turned into a book.