has a silver lining.
It's over five months since I wrote the last post on this blog and today is the first time since I wrote it that I have re-read it in full. I don't think that I appreciated at the time just how much I would miss New Zealand and my life there. In fact from the moment I arrived back in Scotland the idea of not going back was banished from my mind. I think that I must have been having a severe dose of reality when I wrote the post and that my optimistic me was on hold for a short while. In fact I think that until last week I was actually sub-consciously more concerned about my cancer than I've been since 2010 and, perhaps, since I was diagnosed in 1998.
Today's reality is that I shall not be returning at the end of this month as I usually do and, indeed, it may well be that I shall not return this summer (New Zealand's summer that is). But then again I may. For many reasons it seems unlikely that I shall be able to resume my Godwit existence but I'm more optimistic now about a return to my other spiritual home.
My cancer treatment has been under close review since I returned and a couple of weeks ago I had a complete set of scans which confirmed that no prostatic cancer tumours have developed in my abdomen or chest. So the situation is that my blood count is increasing rapidly but is still low enough for hormone treatment to be delayed for a while in order to achieve maximum benefit. Apparently that is because I am quite fit and the treatment has not had an adverse effect on me in the past. So it looks like taking any decisions about returning to NZ for the time being are still on hold.
However who knows what will happen in a few months and I am now back in an optimistic enough frame of mind to believe that I shall be seeing The Family again in their own setting and that I shall again play croquet on the hallowed Marewa lawns: perhaps not this summer but certainly the following one.
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I very much hope you will get back, if not sooner then not too much later. I feel you will. Missing it - how can you not be? I was thinking about the croquet only the other day.And you are attuned to your regular migration although when that time has gone this autumn, I wonder if you might feel less unsettled. I think the medical news sounds encouraging indeed.
ReplyDeleteGreat news that your health is much improved. It is a big worry.
ReplyDeleteHow good your spirits are up and you are contemplating a return to your beloved New Zealand, as you say, perhaps in a year. Your medical news sounds encouraging.
ReplyDeleteSuch good news GB. Nice to look back and reflect on a headspace in the past ~ the value of blogging.
ReplyDeleteGraham, that's the best news I've heard in ages. So glad you are doing so well that you can consider coming again.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful news Graham and I can well imagine a weight has been lifted off your shoulders even if a return to NZ isn't quite on the cards yet.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised that you are not taking even a low dose of hormone treatment to keep it in check...that is what my Dad has to take as his blood PSA levels were rising as well... but then they had even right from after his operation and radiotherapy. Fortunately like you, he is still very fit, although now finds that the treatment does tire him out more, plus it has a few unpleasant but bearable side effects.
I already commented on FB so might be repeating myself, but I do find that photo going so well together with the content of the post. And even if you'll be spending this winter in Scotland (instead of summer in NZ!) I hope that you'll keep seeing a lot of silver linings!
ReplyDeleteGeweldig wat een mooie lichtval
ReplyDeleteI apologise for not having responded individually and sooner. When I wrote the last post I had a certain reluctance nestling in my brain but I put it down to simply not really wanting to air my situation quite so publicly. Not that that usually worries me unduly. I'm not (touch wood) a superstitious person. However on the day that the post was published I had a call from my GP explaining that the blood sample taken when I was in Ayr had shown a substantial increase over the sample taken in Stornoway 6 days earlier. Consequently the decision had been taken that my treatment was to start immediately. That's rather put the cat amongst the pigeons and has taught me, once again, never to tempt The Fates. Of course it's not quite that simple but wotthehellarchiewotthehell.
ReplyDeleteLike you my fellow Geminian friend, I will remain optimistic regarding your health.
ReplyDeleteA visit to the Family next year is still something to look forward to....prayers being sent your way for health and strength.